Although a man tries to live a life pleasantly but in most cases it becomes impossible. There are very few persons that has been satisfied completely with own fate. Sometimes there are people that all days they spent become bitter and poignant. I belong to this second group of persons. I was a young girl that has stoke a wheel of fate to rock with own hands and split it. At those young ages a life could already present me its poignant and bitter minutes. But my reader, do not suppose that I complain against somebody else in this life lived by me. No, I have been namely a guilty of all mournful minutes in my life. I had thrown myself to this life misunderstanding it but after well thinking perceiving everything beforehand.
Who is he then? I will not answer to this question from now. You will find self little bit later who is he and what kind of person is he.
***
Our flat was located in the edge of city, in the most mournful and sad place. Conditions of our flat were not so good. It was consisted of two dark, low and small rooms. I was living at one of these, because second person could not be settled here. My bedstead even occupied front of half of the entry and middle doors. This room at the same time was considered our kitchen. Little window in the right side of the door of the room was looking at yard door. Everybody was seen clearly from here entering the yard.
The second room of our flat was very little, too. Bedstead, table and dresser had been put here. It was a bedroom of my father, mother and little brother and as well as our dining-room. If some guest visited us for spending night then I had to present my bedstead to him and self slept at neighbor. Condition of our flat and neighbors living in our quarter were not pampering my spirit. Everything seemed for me uninteresting and dull. Even witty conversations that neighbors did with me were not making my heart pleasant. Women and girls living in our yard liked much speaking with me. They were talking a lot to me about their adventures, relations with beloved ones. But all of these were not awaking any sense in me. Although, I already was twenty years old but I did not understand almost what is love. When girls spoke about their loves, about existing with love of the beloved boys, senses against them it seemed to me that as if all these are artificial senses arising in the soul of the man. When girls propagated me also to love I used to get angry on them and I was telling them I could not to do it. Briefly, a love was seemed to me as if a strange sense.
I was studying in the school. In spite of obstinacy of our family I did not finish it too. I'd left a school from the seventh class and went to work. But again no entertainment did attract me to itself. I had been more pessimistic now. I slept after coming back from work and sometimes mourned in the home. My mother would always reproach me that I did not join the youths. I always spent my time alone.
It was first days of the autumn. Weather had considerably become cool. Sometimes it rained. My heart was pressed much in such days. One day I came from work and I was having my dinner. My mother informed me that two young boys were settled in neighboring room having same veranda with us. Although I did not ask a question but my mother began to describe the same boys as if she used to understand what I wanted to say from my pithy looks. My mother told me that they were medium height with simple view and little shy. One of them was very polite and cultured. It seemed that he was educated one. In spite of elder age of my mother the same boy had liked by her. I would say even she had fell in love with him.
- OK, mom, don't praise them much. It is possible that he has spoken with you politely and you have thought that..... My mother interrupted my word here, and continued her thought.
- Eh, daughter, I'm telling the truth. One will swear that bad is bad and good is good. Then why you become anger for this.
At that I saw from a window a strange man entering to yard. "Who is he?" I asked a mother showing him to her. My mother told me that he is the same boy praised. If a distance between the yard door and the veranda was not far-away, I could completely observe a boy until he passed this distance. A few seconds later a door of home was knocked. I have stood from the eating and I hurried to open the door. The same boy was knocking a door. He looked thoroughly at me with very pithy look and asked me with smile to call a mistress of home. As if I lost myself and told him to enter home. He thanked me and told that as he was in hurry so he could not enter the home. At that moment my mother came to door and told him:
- Son, why you are ashamed, come in.
- No, aunty, I am in hurry, thank you very much. Hadn't my little brother come here?
- Son, I don't know him.
- I'm asking about a guy that came here with me morning.
- No, he has not come.
- Then, forgive me, I have disturbed you.
He went in hurry through veranda. If I came back onto the eating again but I had no appetite, I asked a mom to take out plates. Some non-ordinary thing occurred with me. I began to walk inside a room as a person lost the most valuable thing.
- My daughter, a length of our home is just three meters in all, and half of them is occupied by house items. Therefore this place is narrow for your walking. It would be better if you go out and take a round of city. I see you are very sad. It seems an attitude of that young boy had liked by you. What would you say now, do you share my praise?
I left my mother's question unattended and wanted to go on bed and to have a rest. Despite I had tired much but I can't sleep. I was remembering his attractive and kind smile, delicate talking and extreme culture. At the same time I felt some rising feeling in my mind. Maybe that was a feeling of love?! No, it can't be. But how a feeling of love rises at man at one moment of meeting? I haven't seen him even for a full one minute. He had no such beauty. But what is that disturbing my brain? Maybe I have got ill. - No, I had not temperature. I understood that I could not sleep and so passed to one neighboring girls.
- Hey, girl, what's your mood so anxious like a beloved ones, come and sit, tell us, what is the matter with you?
- Why, only beloved ones get worried?
- No, mood of other sad persons can also be disturbed. But you look like a loved one. Probably you felt in love with somebody, did you?
- No, nothing happened to me. I just feel myself like an ill. It is better if you talk about your beloved, about your first appointment. By the way, let me to note that this kind of conversations would had not interest me before in the past. Even when girls spoke about it I interpret their words.
I returned home after having talked with them for some time. I have sat near the window and was waiting coming of the same boy. I hoped that every minute, every second he would enter a yard gate. But when I saw that he did not come till the evening I was surprised and much regretted, too.
Darkness came in the outside. Already there was no meaning of sitting and watching outside through window, as nothing was visible in yard. I was very anxious. Though I tried to control myself but I could not.
Almost my mother did not fell my anxiety. But she was thinking that I was ill, because I used very often to catch a cold and had headache.
Little time was passed and father came. My mother loved me very much. He always used to kiss me when he came home and to fondle me, and only then began to talk with mother.
My mother told him about moving to our neighbor of new persons, too. I had just used good opportunity and asked why they were not at home. But she told they were not shifted completely and would bring remaining items tomorrow.
My rest-day was tomorrow. I went to bed early so to get up earlier too. But I can't fall asleep. I turned in the bed from side to side. I went asleep very late at night. It was not even six o'clock as I got up in the morning. As usual I got up and went down to the yard and have sat in the bottom of the pistachio tree and observed city. City looked like an amphitheatre likening to the circus stage. But our home was located in the highest part of the same \"amphitheatre". Therefore when one looked from our yard he could see every place of the city. The eastern part of the city was encircled with a sea. Sailing of each little boat in the sea was seen clearly from here. Oil-wells looking like the forest were located in some middle part of the sea. In a word, a city was visible from here very beautiful and charming in the morning. But fine rays of the sun being rising newly had been reflected on sea and turned this view to beauty.
One lorry parked in the door about ten o'clock. Few minutes hardly pass that guy and another one looked like him entered a yard with book bunch in hands. I was washing clothes in the veranda. Mysterious redness was formed in my face having seen him and my body perspired. They have welcomed me and passed in. I have felt that books were very many when they brought book bunches thrice and I offered them my help. A boy that charmed me thanked me very much and said me with pithy eyes that he was very much obliged for my attention. His delicate voice and tender looks charmed me once again. My soul began to beat with great excitement. He began to revive in my soul as holy being. He was very mobile and fast. Despite holding big book bunches in the hand he stepped two stairs at once. There was a healthy view in his face. A black suit was fit him very much. They went after offloading books. At that moment I felt that as if my heart went with them.
I did not know how I washed clothes. I was thinking just about him and him. I began to perceive now what all this was excitement. It was a love! I already now understood what a love was. Really, a love can burn a man like a fire. It influences at soul of man as unordinary force and makes him stupefied. Drinking a wine and to be drunk is nothing in front of influence of the love. Now I have to justify Majnun, Farhad. They were right in their loves in reality.
One thing was making to think a lot - how can I get my love? Have I to disclose it to him myself? No, I will not be able to do it. I am a girl; I must observe my girlish pride, dignity. My dignity, pride is superior for me from everything. I will not agree to humiliate my dignity on any account. It is inviolable for me. I am a girl, and I have to hear an attitude of someone other to me. Why I hurry after all? I have seen him just twice yet. I must wait for him. Maybe he will love me too. His attitude against me was not bad. If there were other girls in my place they would consider that as if that boy loves them as his looks were very pithy and talks were very kind.
No, he cannot love me. He was very educated person. He had brought a lorry of books at home. It means he had read all these books. Maybe he is scholar. Yeah, God knows maybe he loved so many girls till date. Without doubt, he had loved such girls that could understand him, be educated one. But I did not finish even the seventh class. How I could understand him. And one more moment, I was a poor girl. I had to wear good to be his lover. I had to have clothes in all new fashions. But all these were difficult for me, because monthly incomes of our family could hardly meet only our ordinary needs. In such case how could I get his love?
***
Days passed. They already were our most close, dearest neighbors. Our doors were side by side. Nevertheless I see him very seldom. He sit at home after coming back from the work and turns over the pages of books he put on shelves with accuracy and he sometimes sit behind the table and was writing something. He used to go to bed very late at nights. He usually walked in the yard for half an hour before sleeping.
But I used to go yard at that time with pretext of going to neighbor and greeted him. He just satisfied with reacting to my greeting. I would deviate from questioning him against his attitude. He sometimes used to sleep late. I can't see him in this circumstance. There were such circumstances that he had sat till the morning behind of little table and looked at books, were writing something. It seemed to me that he was a writer and he wrote a book. Today I saw a big article published in the newspaper with his signature. But I doubted that he indeed wrote this article because I did not know his name.
But I heard his surname when a post man bringing newspapers and magazines called him. I had read article three times and understood its content well and prepared one-two question from the same article that having a cause to be with him by asking these questions from him.
Once I met him at threshold of the door when he came from work. He greeted me and wanted to pass through but I detained him and told that I wanted to clarify some questions, so I need to come to him. He told me that he would explain whatever he could and he told that he would wait for me, so advised me not to forget to come. My heart began to beat in anxiety like a heart of student preparing to go for exams.
I put on my clothes from crepe de Chine in the evening, I worn my violet color uranium stone in form of heart and went to them. When I knocked a door one pleasant voice invited me in. I had opened the door and again asked a permission to enter. He invited me in telling "please, beautiful girl, come in". He came to meet me and holding my arm he had shown a seat to sit. I sat in the chair put in front of the writing-table. Gilded books had been put with accuracy in the back side of table in the shelves. But a big atlas had been put in the up most shelves. Two blow-up photos were hung up on the main walls opposite to each other. These two were his photos.
Both photos were shot in same pose. At one he was looking joyful. His curly hair were combed accurately and turned to be in wave - like form. He was smiling too. But in other photo he was sad and disappointed. His hairs were very scattered. It reflected his waviness. Two bedsteads had been put before front walls of the room. Here bed sheets were fit accurately like with woman hands. Behind one bed a portrait of two-years-old girls in stormy day with one little girl at her back crossing the bridge was hung up. But behind the second bed a photo of one ship trying to reach a cost at stormy day was hung up too. In brief, despite there was no woman at home it was made with accuracy and tastefully. I had seen some of these items at home from the window. But I was seeing all these for the first time so closely.
After I looked through inside of home hastily I asked him if I don't take his time. He had already wrapped up that thick book turned over the pages when I came in and he had put it aside and was looking at me as if was ready to listen me. Replying to my question he said that "he was ready to hear a good neighbor always".
- And where did you know that we were good neighbors. We have not done any kindness to you yet.
- To do kindness is not a matter. I determined your affectionate attitude from the first day. Is not it more important than everything?
I told his thought was true. He was looking at my clothes with one big attention. As if he liked it well. He even not could keep himself and told that he liked my clothes and necklace and that he liked clothes in that colors and fashion. I determined once again now that he likes good and fashionable clothes of the women. Namely I was longing for sewing various clothes later to make him to like it.
I gave my questions to him after some general conversation. He smiled first and began to explain consecutively all matters given in the article with purposes to answer all questions after he kept a silence for a while. To make me to understand well he was bringing samples too. He spoke for me about it for about one hour. To tell the truth, I was worrying about taking his time, because he was valuing his time very much. He even had fewer days for rest.
After he gave an explanation of my questions he asked me "if I could clarify\". Though I had not understood him well but I told that it was clear, and thanked him. He additionally asked about my education. I was helplessness in front of his question. Because I was deviating to tell truth and I was not permitting myself to lie. He saw my anxiety and added that his purpose to know about my education was related with definition on how I perceived his explanation. But I again deviated from telling true. But despite of it I informed him that I had finished seven classes. He told me that he would explain me once again same matter and showed that he would explain now it in simpler language. I told him with persistence that I understood it very well. Then he told me that if it was such then he was glad. I once again apologized to him for taking his time after having more talk and finally I left his home saying good bye to him. When I went out from home I came across with little brother at the door. He was coming from walking. He used to go for walking to city after having his supper as a rule and in contrary to his elder brother.
I came back home and I went to bed. I was so glad for having talked with him that I could not get slept for a long time. I already loved him with my all being. He had not been loved by anybody like me and nobody could love. I was living just for him. I had been trying to do everything for him. Even despite leaving a school some time ago now I liked reading of many books because he liked to read many books. I had been spending all my free time for reading books. When he had been going to work he was giving key of doors to us. I used this good opportunity to enter his home and turning over the pages of books. His all books were almost in Russian and they were scientific books. Though I did not understand it but I was turning its pages quickly. Because his hand after all touched to these books and read these pages with charming eyes. Namely, therefore I wanted that to look through lines he looked at and read. I used to read often articles and booklets he wrote. Because he loved these work written by him, he used to take a pleasure from them and enjoyed.
I was feeling it in him clearly. I already loved him passionately that I cannot express it in words. He was everything for me. I see just him in the life. Though boys beautiful than him declared their loves to me repeatedly but I had just rejected them. Their loves did not pamper my soul. I did not want to link my life with anybody except him. I was thinking just about him and him and lived with his dream. But was it all giving me a hope for succeeding to his love? Of course, not, because to understand him was very difficult for me. General kindness and high politeness was felt in his talks with me. Undoubtedly he used to speak with everybody, conductor in tram, seller in shop, waitress in restaurant, with workmates in the institute and even with my old mother like in this manner. Namely, therefore I can not find different sentence that would be especially said for me in his behavior and negotiation.
Despite I loved him madly, to tell the truth I always tried to conceal my love from him. I did not want on any account that relations of him are formed against my relations. It could not satisfy me. I didn't want that independently of me a sense of love against me involuntary settled in his soul and he would live with my love.
***
Approximately half year had passed from this story. Weather had been getting warmer gradually and nature had been awaking up from winter sleep. Approaching of the spring is felt everywhere. Trees, meadows were thriving in gardens, parks. Souls of people were also reviving.
As a usual starting from this time of the year neighbors were gathered to our veranda at evenings and had various interesting conversations.
He had not gone out yet. As a usual he stayed at home in the evenings and was busy. To tell the truth, there was no condition for his work in the veranda.
One day I put table and chair in the veranda before his returning from work. He came little later. I told him that "after having your dinner you can work in the veranda as I have created conditions for you\". He thanked me looking at me with tender looks and he told that he would come and work with great pleasure. I was so glad as if I had achieved any success. I wiped the veranda before he came once again that to make it clean.
Though he came to work in the veranda but he did not intervene in the common conversation; he began to work bending the head. But everybody went away at eleven o'clock for sleeping but he have sat alone got engaged in own work. My mother and relatives were also slept. I was in hesitation so I could not leave him alone and I could not go for sleep, so I often entered and went out from home and looked at him. When he felt my state he asked why I was not sleeping. I told him that I had no mood to sleep now. But he had not satisfied with my answer and as understanding me he took out his papers.
Then he had thanked me once again and said good-bye for me and passed to his room. I used to put a table and chair for him since that day and prepared his working conditions. But he sometimes used not to work and go away to city in the evenings as if excited from spring days. Such situation was making me very worried. Though he informed us about where used to go for recent times but I did not believe him that he had been going to place he said.
Though I was not waiting his lying but some disbelief was arising against him in my soul. I was jealous to him. Unless he came home at nights a sense of jealousy was scratching my soul as worm. I was waiting his returning home in the evenings with big tension. Various thoughts used to come into my dream. I was thinking that he maybe embraced one lucky beauty in the Seaside Boulevard or Upland Park under the trees planted in a row and having talked to that girl about their passionate loves.
Maybe at those moments when I waited him they were moving away from coast to center of sea boarding on the happy boat sailing in the blue waters of the Caspian under the silver-like rays of the moonlight and were talking sweetly about their future life that will be set and was kissing lastingly lips of a beloved by pulling her to himself. Maybe he has no permanent beloved beauty. Maybe everyday he hunts a soul of someone with own attractive and sweet speaking as a man picking a flower from bunch and then throwing it after smelling.
All evenings that I waited for his coming and such empty thoughts increase my jealousy once again and it makes me crazy. I could only soften this sorrow by falling of eye tears at my pillow rolling down from cheeks. But I could not always succeed it easily. I put a blanket on my head to avoid my mother's hearing my weep in neighboring room. At last he used to come. But his return had gifted me as if half of my separated heart. Beat of my heart stopped and I went to sweet sleep.
His love caused me to forget everything I even become so cold from father and mother. My mother sometimes called me to her and talked with me giving advices. In such case I was supposing that as if my mother has understood my relation to him. So, I used to say mom that I had no relations with boys, especially to him, against mother's admonitions. But despite of it I presumed that my mother had clearly determined my relation to him from my behavior and motions. Because I always used to loose myself and get reddened when saw him.
***
Days were passing. My love to him had become hot-tempered and it brought me wanderer state. But no changes were felt in his relations as a love being stranger people. I already could not conceal my attitudes from him recently. He read my love from my face. Against it something like love feelings were appeared in him. But I can not affirm that whether it was a sign of respect simply, or indeed a love. Our relations were turned to pleasant look which charmed me later on with sharp and passionate looks. I was supposing in this circumstance that he loved me if not like me but anyhow. But in spite of all of these it was not felt that he would approach me. Therefore it seemed to me he was some kind of haughty and cold person.
I was learning his character deeper. He was highly estimating persons being simple, modest and valor. He used to speak about advanced persons with pleasure about whom articles were printed in newspapers and propagated all people to be like this and other advanced. And he was advising us to work heartily and honorably. He used to say that being faithful to comradeship, to share a grief of friend having not run away from him in hard minutes were better features of a man. I must note that he self was such person. Essays published in newspapers repeatedly about him and his photos in the process of work had been given there. He had one friend in the region. He had very close relations with him. Sometimes he visited region especially to see him. But when he had no time to go there he called him to city and visited him here.
I was making big efforts in work as he liked such things. Already an essay was printed in the newspaper about me. I was very glad to this. This joy was not for reputation memory but for being liked by him. I remember he has taken \"Kommunist\" newspaper where an essay about me was published for the first time and had come to us. He pressed my hand congratulating me for the first time. It was a great happiness for me. I was considering myself as a man whose dreams came true. He was very merry. He sat for an hour in our home. He talked with me kindly and he sometimes praised me to my mother. This appraisal was not for my beauty but for my work ability. He could not praise near my mother in a different way after all because it would be impolite for himself. But impoliteness was strange to him.
This coming of him was a great beginning for my future meetings with him. I not only simple had conversations with him from today but I used to make jokes for cheering him and making him to laugh. But my all jokes were not always hit a success. So his face was changeable like autumn days, either very joyful or happy or very hoarse as black cloudy weather warning about rain. Nothing did interest him in mournful time and pampered his spirit. He would not like to answer even on my question in this circumstance. Although he tried to conceal his state as long as possible but it was clearly felt in his face again. But he looked very beautiful in merry minutes. He used to tell short but interesting stories, heart touching laughable jokes. As these jokes were within certain frame it did not damage his specific pride. And it was making him more beautiful once again. His moments were very few and rarely in such state.
He used to sit for long time in hot summer days in the veranda and he was glazing at something in deep silence as if he was thinking over something. He even would not hear very interesting conversations too. Sometimes he used to bring clean writing-book from home and made notes here or looked through again at marked sections in certain pages of the different book.
***
Although cool khazry wind blowing from the sea had moderated stuffy days of August but it turned it to very dull situation for man. A man as if was not able to find a place for himself in broad city, and wherever he went he felt insufficiency of something.
It was about six o'clock, common cooling is felt in weather. When I was returning home from job and entering the yard I saw him while leaning on old grapevine tree planted near the threshold of the veranda, towards our home. He was talking sweetly with my father sitting in the veranda. It was felt that he was joyful. Joy being in his looks and simple lightness were showing some dynamicity in his silent stance. He was not satisfied only replying to my greeting but made a compliment to my address with stilted words. I defined that his mood was indeed very high.
I used to forget my tiredness and hunger and hurried to go in veranda changing my clothes so to join his conversation with my father. I just sat in the veranda as father told me that my brother from region was calling me on phone and extended me post receipt taking it out from his pocket. I looked at receipt hastily to determining the time of the conversation. Very little time was remained to the conversation. So I sat a while and went home to change my clothes and get ready. When I went down from veranda he asked me about time and place of phone conversation. I answered him after getting a little surprised to his this question. So, he would not usually ask such things from somebody. I thought various things about his question while I was on the way to telephone station and while waiting for call. Despite half an hour passed since a given time of call but I was not invited to call booth yet. I was thinking about his question sitting on one of chairs put for waiting.
Window of the phone conversation to outside was very high and wide. It had been fixed with big mirror. Three big lamps had been hung in the street side of the window. One part of the citizens coming here like me for conversation stayed outside as place in waiting room was small and hot. Some of them walked slowly but some were talking two by two or three by three.
Despite less than one hour passed from given call time I was not called to booth and was looking at men walking outside of telephone station from the window. Suddenly I saw one person in front of the window. He has stood and looked through persons in the waiting-room with instant view and then returned to place wherefrom he came and disappeared. He seemed as acquaintance for me. He looked like him. But it was difficult for me to determine if it was a true. It seemed to me that he was seen to me as a result of my dream. I was always thinking about him after all. Particularly I can not take out him from my dream after his question one hour ago. I was reviving his face and looks in front of my eye.
Hardly on minute passed as he appeared again and disappeared within a moment. I began to worry much. Although I did not believe to my eyes but I can doubt that it is truth. So, pithy and tender looks reflected his looks. He had also a green stripy armless shirt and mat cylinder type cap. When he used to go outside for walking in the evening he had worn that shirt. In such case I had a doubt whether I was dreaming or not. But indeed I can't believe that this person was him because I was not waiting such action from him. And one more moment why he had to do it? If he had come to me, why he did not enter inside? He does not avoid meeting with me and he knows that I had good attitude to him.
I had forgotten already speaking with my brother. Just some time ago I was asking when they would call me to booth after every five minutes but now I was not bored in spite of passing more than an hour from time appointed. In contrary I wanted a delay of call to the telephone a little that I could define what was this event that seems as miracle. Now I could not separate my eyes from the window. I was looking at known point attentively that I had forgotten where I was even. Suddenly he appeared again. But now he has stood in the place and had stared eyes at me. He had held up his breast being full with great wishes and deeds. I can believe to my eyes. Although I closed and opened my eyes one-two times he was again reviving in front of my eye again in former state. I liked to the person that has been bewitched. I wiped my eyes with hands hardly this time and I looked at him separating my eyes from him looking through surrounding people repeatedly. Now no doubt remained in me. This was not a dream or enchantment, indeed that was him. I could not control myself. I have stood up and went out from the door and I stepped towards him. He was not there in the place he stood. Despite other pavement of the street was dark, I saw that a figure standing before me in the same pavement this time and looking towards the waiting-room. I did not know what do. Though I wanted to come back but my feet did not move. I can not separate my eyes from him, and I went in his direction. He did not run anymore but his views were being changed according to the direction of my motion. I was going very slowly but attentively by middle of road towards him that I had not felt almost how \"Pobeda\" car was almost to hit me. That time he moved forward towards me and grasped my arm and pulled me towards pavement quickly. That was him. I was in big excitement and agitation. I could not speak as if my tongue was frozen. And he was not talking too and he was a need in somebody that could break this silence between us. At last he broke a silence and recommended me to be careful when crossing the road. When I informed him that I did not talk on phone yet he came with me to waiting-room. After little time they informed me to go to the telephone in seventh cabinet.
When we went out from the phone conversation station it was already eight past. I was going in his motion direction. He was taking me towards a seaside boulevard without offering me something. Because of longer summer days there was no darkness yet. Weather was twilight. Majority of people that went out to walk took a direction of boulevard. |It seemed that as if all Baku was rushing to boulevard. But some hurried as they were late somewhere some were making sweet talks with beloved holding from their arm kindly and walked slowly but some moved forward by having instant thorough looking at lonely persons. We had distanced from phone conversation station as he asked my permission to hold from my arm. I did not object. It was after all my only wish in the life. How I could object it now? I was very glad and was considering myself happy. The city was also seemed for me very pleasant. How Seashore Boulevard was beautiful. It was a first time as I was coming here during the time that I lived in city. I could not imagine such lovely attractive view of this boulevard. Each corner here was a spectacle. People were playing and dancing at one side, at other side they get on board of boat from a bridge extended inside of sea as a tongue for sea voyage, and at other side they jump with parachute from tower or were rocking in the merry-go-round. In a word, there was all kind of engagement that may entertain people. He invited me to take part in these entertainments. But I objected it, because I could not go with him into society from now. So, they knew me as retrograde, even some, especially girls of my neighbors were looking at me as backward girl. One more thing, I did not know his intention now. It was possible that accidentally he had gone out to spend time with me this evening. Probably I will not be able to pamper his soul and our walking would be first and last one. In such case how would I look at face of my relatives? Wouldn't it be a big push at me? All of these had been a cause of my objecting to his offer. As if he had understood the cause of my objection. He told that his offer was very early in my reaction. Then we went to the west side of the boulevard and we sat in the bench under the big branchy tree. I felt now that I have reached my wish completely. He was talking kindly with me sitting side by side with me. His attitude and deeds were so affable, delicate and tactic that though I even would not had a love against him but now at that moment I could show lovely relations with big passion against him. At that I might be ready even for his deeds and offers that would be impossible for girl. This meeting of ours did not last much and we had to come back as I had not informed at home about possible delay. But we did not come home together. I had requested him to come on hour later than me so he had to detain in city. While separating he wanted to appoint a time for next meeting. When I informed him that I was ready to meet him any time desired by him he was surprised little but did not display it. He was right in astonishing to my attitude. I was agreeing after all to his offer without any resistance. Usually girls would not give their consent to such offer of boys that loved by them passionately without objecting or definite prank. They especially take special pleasure in giving spiritual torture and pangs to boys. But I had no such features, as I loved him passionately and with real love after all. He was all being for me in the life. How could I offend having harassed him? No doubt, I can't.
